


365 Days of Cas

by Hold_onto_your_Fezzes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Father, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arty Dean, Camping, Fluff, Gay, Gay is Yay, Highschool AU, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, It is cute I promise, Loner Dean to begin with, M/M, Smut, So yeah, cuteness, help i dont know how to tag, idk - Freeform, peace out bitches, squad goals, such banter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 21:51:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hold_onto_your_Fezzes/pseuds/Hold_onto_your_Fezzes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, aged seventeen, and the year the lived, laughed...and loved.</p><p>"When you only have a certain number of days in this life, you spend them with the one who means the most." - me</p><p>Dean Winchester has had more than his fair share of trouble during his short life. One Dead mother, a homophobic, abusive father, a younger brother to look out for and a lifetime of complete terror. Thanks to a motto drilled into him since Dean was four years old, he has never been one for friends, but when new boy, Castiel Novak, moves into the neighbourhood ,Dean quickly becomes fascinated with the strange connection they share. They fast form a strong friendship, that could easily develop into so much more.<br/>But when, for your whole life, you have been told that family is all you need, is one teenage boy enough to help Dean finally escape his fathers harsh hand and live life by his own rules? Or will Cas end up hurting himself... Because we all know, when you stand too close to flames, it's very easy to get burnt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The kids Aren't Alright

Dean Winchester lay still on the lumpy mattress that made up his old, creaking bed, looking up to the mould-covered, peeling ceiling; eyes open, waiting patiently for his alarm go off.

It was the first of January.  
The first day of senior year and oh, how Dean was looking forward to it.  
To him it was merely another year of torture; of pointless exams, late homework assignments, annoying teachers and, possibly worst of all, nosy classmates.

Dean preferred to keep himself to himself and get on with his work. Of course, this did mean that his days did tend to be very long and tedious, but it was better than facing his father, John Winchester, if he ever found out Dean or his younger brother, Sam, had anything close to friends.  
Dean's whole existence in this world seemed to revolve around Sammy. The small ten year old was the most important thing in Dean's life and he needed to protect him.  
Protect him against John.

___

Dean, after dropping off a terrified Sammy, walked reluctantly into the busy high school with his dirty bag slung on his back, head down, and little hope for the year ahead, when suddenly someone's red converse sneakers came into his field of view. Dean looked up quickly to avoid the person they belonged to, but it was too late.

SMACK

The two collided spectacularly and Dean almost knocked the other to the floor, making the boy drop his books to the floor.

"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry...I wasn't looking where I was going..I-sorry.."

The boy who had knocked into him apologised hastily and scrambled to the floor to pick up his fallen books. Dean ignored the apology and made as if to walk on; he didn't like talking. But he quickly looked down and noticed the boy look up at him with terrified eyes, as if afraid that Dean was going to hit him, and he softened slightly. He slowly bent down next to the boy and began to collect the rest of his books that were strewn over the concrete.

 "S'ok. I'm not gonna hurt you or anything. My fault." Dean mumbled as he thrust the remainder of the boys books into his hands. He still looked worried as he stood up clutching his patched rucksack, but stuck his hand out for Dean to shake.

 "I- I'm Castiel Novak."

 "Dean."

 The boy blushed, embarrassed, and shuffled his feet nervously before Dean finally reached out and took the boys hand briefly in his own. A weird name for a weird guy Dean thought. He quickly let go of Castiel's hand as his eyes swept over the other boys body. He had on geeky, square glasses over his eyes, and was wearing an overlarge jumper over tight fitting chinos. His dark brown hair was un-styled and messy and he wore a yellow and black striped scarf loosely around his neck. He gave the boy a small smile before making to walk away. Hufflepuff. He snorted.

Castiel stood rooted to the spot for a moment as he tugged nervously at the sleeve of his jumper, before he jogged quickly after Dean.

 "Hey! I urm... I just moved here with my parents. I'm not certain where to go..." He spoke nervously, obviously hoping he wasn't being annoying. Which he was failing at miserably.

 Dean glared at the sound of the small voice behind him, Why the hell was this guy still talking to him? He spun around to face Castiel, ready to give him an earful; anything to make him go away, when he noticed the slight shake in the boys hands, the glisten in his eyes. He wasn't going to cry was he? Dean sighed exasperatedly, walking towards Castiel and grabbing the timetable roughly out of his hands.

 "You've got chemistry now, with Mr. Kawoski... You want me to show you where to go?" Dean asked, voice monotone and robotic, hoping very much that the answer was no. But, alas, Castiel's face lit up with a bright smile as he brushed his dark, messy hair away from his eyes and nodded. Dean tried not to smile back at the warmth in the boys face, and rolled his eyes instead, handing back the timetable and starting to walk off in the direction of the science block.

As they walked, Castiel chatted happily away, telling Dean why he had to move, where he had come from and pretty much everything about his life so far.  
Dean couldn't help himself as he started to warm to the talkative, but still rather awkward boy next to him. It was impossible not to; his cheerfulness was practically contagious. It was almost sickening. And so Dean was rather relieved as he bid goodbye to Castiel and made his way to his own class; Math. It had scared him how open he wanted to be with the strange boy.

 For the rest of the day, Dean couldn't stop thinking about the mysterious boy with blue eyes. He confused Dean. No one had ever spoken to him as warmly and openly as Castiel had today. It was nice. He wanted to get to know him, find out more about him, but it was impossible.

Neither Sam, nor his father, noticed his bad mood when he arrived home. Dean didn't care; it just meant no annoying or aggressive questions.  
He walked slowly upstairs, dragging his backpack behind him, hoping homework would distract his mind from the one thing he wanted that could hurt him and Sam the most; a friend.


	2. Follow The Leader

"Dean? Dean! DEAN!"

Dean jumped awake, swearing loudly and almost head butting his younger brother in the face.

 "AHH SHIT! Sammy what the hell!?" 

Sam leapt back; eyes wide with surprise."Sorry Dean! I-I just needed to wake you up. We're gonna be late for school!" Sam whispered, with a slight shake to his voice. 

Dean swore again and threw himself completely out of bed, running over to his closet and grabbing clothes at random. He turned his head to look at his brother, eyes softening when he saw Sam was wearing his old spiderman pyjamas.

 "Sammy, you'd better go get dressed too, but don't go downstairs yet, ok? Wait for me." Dean spoke in a low voice, as if hoping no-one would over-hear. Sam nodded silently and padded out of the room. Dean smiled as he watched him go, before quickly pulling on some old jeans and a shirt and rushing round the small room to collect his books.

 Five minutes later Dean had a tight hold of Sam's hand as they walked down the creaking stairs together and walked into the kitchen. John Winchester was already downstairs, sat at the table in silence and watching his sons tiptoe in. Dean didn't notice him at first and relaxed, about to get some cereal from the dirty cupboards.

 "So... You're up very late aren't you boys!" Both boys jumped out of their skin and spun around to find their Father, standing now, glaring as they stood numbly in front of him.

 "My- my alarm didn't work this morning. I- I didn't wake up. I'm sorry, sir." Dean mumbled, not looking at his father, but more interested in the floorboards at his feet. 

Sam gripped tight onto Dean's hand and moved a half step behind him as his older bother held his breath; waiting for the axe to fall. It was complete silence and Dean could almost taste the tension in the musty air, but then John took a step back and walked away.

 "Well then... It looks like you're gonna have to miss out on breakfast today. Just make sure you get to school on time, ya hear me? Don't want those nosy sons of bitches calling me up again, do we?" John's voice was strangely soft, humour showing through, but Dean shivered when he heard it. He knew, every time he heard that voice, that he and Sammy had gotten off very lucky. The two boys shook their heads in answer to his question, before rushing off to school.

 _____

 

Dean walked into his first lesson of the day, physics, and groaned. There, sat at his desk at the back of the room, was Castiel, grinning happily right at him. Dean glowered as he dragged his bag across the room and slumped into the seat next to him.

 "Hello Dean!" Cas chirped happily. Dean turned as far away from Castiel as he could, pretending he couldn't hear him.

 "Dean?..." Dean rolled his eyes and continued to ignore the confused boy beside him; putting in earbuds and blasting music into his ears; waiting impatiently for the lesson to start.

Dean continued to completely blank Castiel and, as soon as the bell rang, signalling break, Dean leapt off his chair and almost ran to the door, leaving a bewildered Cas to walk out by himself. Shaking off the guilty feeling of leaving Castiel to fend for himself, Dean speed walked over the grass to his favourite hideout. He smiled faintly as he slumped down under a huge sycamore at the edge of the playing fields, shaded by the huge shadows cast by the great limbs of the tree. The boy slowly opened his black sketch pad, got out his pencils and began to draw.

Unfortunately, his quiet, peaceful break was soon interrupted by an annoying dark-haired boy with bright blue eyes.

 "Urm. Hello Dean."

Dean groaned inwardly and closed his eyes, giving himself the self-control not to throttle the boy there and then. "Yeah, Cas." 

The boy looked nervous, as well he should, as he stood awkwardly above Dean; shuffling his feet.

 "I was just- just wondering if I had done anything at all to offend you?"

This caught Dean completely by surprise and he quickly looked up at Cas from his sketch pad.

 "No?" Dean spoke in a confused voice. Cas seemed to look much happier at this, and smiled brightly at Dean before sitting down next to him.

 "Oh good." Castiel said with a small glance towards Dean. "I just noticed you weren't talking to me in physics and I was wondering if I had done something wrong."

Dean shuffled away from Cas slightly, grimacing. "What do you want Cas?" Dean asked bluntly. Cas' face registered confusion for a split second before he answered.

 "Well I- You're the only person I know at the moment and I was hoping that I could hang around with you and maybe become friends."

 That's it. It was clear this had gone too far. Castiel jumped as he slammed his sketch pad shut and leapt up.

 "Well that's great Cas, but I don't really want to hang out with you!" He lied. "If you actually knew me at all, you'd know I don't hang out with anyone, so just get lost and find someone actually worth knowing..." Dean snapped harshly.

And with that, he threw his tattered bag over his shoulder and stalked off, leaving a very hurt Cas behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and, again, feedback is much appreciated :)


	3. Dean Winchester- This Is Your Life

Cas got awkwardly to his feet and watched in surprise as Dean stormed off to the other side of the field. What in heaven had Castiel done to deserve that!?  
He was so consumed in his own thoughts, that Castiel didn't notice as two girls walked across the field to approach him.

 

"Don't mind Dean Winchester; he has a pretty good reason why he doesn't mix with people..." A lilting female voice cut into Castiel's pondering and he started; spinning around to find the owner. The girl who had spoken, a small, very pretty brunette with her arm laced into the red-head's beside her, jumped herself.

 

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump! I- I'm Lisa... Lisa Braeden. You're Cas, right?" She held out her hand, which Castiel took, smiling. At least someone in this school had manners! But what on earth did she mean about Dean?

 

"Yeah, that's me... It's only my second day and Dean" Cas pointed behind him, indicating where Dean sat, " helped me out yesterday, so I thought... I guess I hoped we could be friends..." As he spoke, Castiel's face fell, feeling thoroughly rejected all over again.  
The red-headed girl next to Lisa snorted derisively.

 

"Dean!? Friends!? I don't think so... Trust me hon, that ship sank a loooong time ago... Charlie, by the way" The girl, Charlie, grinned happily at Cas, shaking his hand also.

 

"Hi...." Castiel spoke awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say. He really only wanted to find out about Dean. The mysterious boy intrigued him to say the least. "Sooo... What did you mean about Dean? Why doesn't he have friends? He seemed like a nice enough guy?.."

 

Lisa and Charlie shared a knowing look, before launching into an explanation. The two girls took turns speaking, almost as if it had been rehearsed.

 

"So basically.... When Winchester was, like, I dunno, four or something... Well, there was this huge ass fire at his house and his Mom was like... Burned to a cri-"

 

"-His Mom didn't make it... And apparently his dad didn't even get them out! It was Dean that had to save his little brother Sam, who was about...urm, six months at the time."

 

"Anyway! Dean's dad is...like a total asshat and pretty much leaves them alone all the time and hits them and stuff...which is totally not cool, by the way!"

 

"So yeah... Dean doesn't really trust anyone anymore. And also, I reckon his dad, John or something I think, won't let them have friends because he thinks it was there fault that there was a fire I guess..."

 

"It's pretty sucky no matter how you look at it... So y'know... Don't get offended and stuff. Trust me, he blew us off worse than that!"

 

Cas stood stock still, eyes wide as he tried to get his head around what a horrible childhood those two boys must have had... Are still having.

 

"That's horrific!... Wait... If you two know all this, why has the dad not got arrested!? Why hasn't anyone called the police!?" Castiel questioned incredulously.  
The two girls looked at each other, shrugging; before taking Castiel's arms and leading him off the field; Charlie saying,"C'mon Castiel, why would anyone do that!? Even you must know that no-one likes a snitch..."

 

____

 

Dean sat alone on the other side of the field, pretending to draw, but in fact watching everything that was taking place. He scowled in annoyance as he saw Lisa and Charlie obviously recite their favourite story. His story. Dean sighed and looked down once more, angrily scribbling out his drawing; he wasn't in the mood now.  
He looked up once more and was surprised to see the two girls almost dragging Castiel off the field. The boy was still staring right at him and he felt a pang of jealousy as Cas finally looked away and began laughing at something one of the girls had said. Dean wanted Cas to be over here. With him. But at the same time he wanted that boy as far away from him as possible.  
Dean groaned, ripping the page completely out of his sketchpad. He was so confused! How could he want one thing... And also want the thing that was completely the opposite!?  
He took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands; attempting to weigh up the pros of cons of befriending Cas. He couldn't quite sort out his thoughts, so he opened up his sketch pad and set it out in two lists.

Pros:

I would have someone to talk to and get help from... Other than Sammy

I would have someone I could hang out with at school, to talk to in class

I could go out with Cas at weekends and even after school

I would have someone I could rely on

I would have someone to have fun with and mess about with and get in trouble with

I would have someone to live my life with

I would have someone to be happy with

 

Cons:

Dad

 

Dean sighed, ripping the page out of his book and tearing it into little pieces.  
Oh, dear...Looked like the cons out-weighed the pros...  
No friend for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) comment any feedback, it would be really appreciated.


	4. It's Rude To Stare

When Dean walked into school the next day, alone and even grumpier than usual, he was even more annoyed to see Cas huddled in homeroom with about eight other people, just sitting there laughing their heads off. Stopping in the doorway, Dean glared at the lot of them; holding his rucksacks strap so tight his knuckles whitened. There was Charlie and Lisa; the two girls that found Cas the day before, both clutching each other as they attempted to stay upright. Next to them were the two brothers Lu and Michael, along with a smaller boy named Alfie, an even smaller boy Dean knew as Garth and another girl, one with a very annoying laugh, who Dean knew much too well as Becky. They were all messing about, smiling, laughing, having fun. All of a sudden Dean Winchester felt very small.  
That is until he felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He spun around, annoyed, when he came face to face with a short, Asian boy with a terrified look on his face.

 

"WHAT!" Dean yelled, having had just about enough of people for the day.

 

"I- I'm sorry, but t- this is my new... Urm homeroom. I'm Kevin Tran, and I'm in advanced placement... Please don't kill me" his shaking, petrified voice ended in a pitiful whine as his small face screwed up in fear; obviously waiting for a punch that wasn't going to be thrown. 

 

"Dude... I'm not gonna hit you, Jesus Christ, Why do people always assume that!? Just get inside...Find Charlie and Lisa, I'm sure they'll fill you in" Dean spoke bitterly, pushing past Kevin and storming out into the corridor and started toward his first lesson about a half hour too early. Whatever...Homeroom was overrated anyway.

 

___

 

For some reason, Dean's day seemed so much lonlier than usual. He guessed it was due to getting so close to his dream being realised, and how it was still only a hair-breadth away.  
Dean sighed and finally managed to tear his eyes away from the happy, laughing group across the field and looked up wistfully as the leaves above him. The sun glinted through the green leaves and the gaps in the large limbs of the tree, shining a soft, dappled light down onto Dean's face as he smiled. He took a deep breath, calming himself, clearing his mind of any Castiel-related thoughts and day-dreaming about a life where maybe his dad, not his mum, had died in the fire. He closed his eyes contentedly, enjoying the warm feeling of the sun beating off his tanned complexions. His life could have been so different...Maybe then he could have-

 

"D-dean?" The shaking voice cut through Dean's happy thoughts and brought him sharply back to earth. He opened on eye, squinting up to the silhouetted figure standing nervously above him. It was Cas. Of course it was. Dean's stomach sank, but at the same time an almost elated feeling filled him, making it hard for him not to smile.

 

"Yeah, Cas?" He spoke pleasantly, hoping Castiel would see he was sorry for the outburst the previous day.

 

"You were alone over here so... So I was wondering if you wanted to come hang out with me, Lisa, Charlie and everyone...?" He spoke nervously, but he gave a small smile before panicking and, "only if you want to of course! Or I could sit with you! Or we can come over here or..." His voice trailed off into silence, a hopeful expression etched onto his youthful face.

 

Dean badly wanted to say yes, he always did, but he knew he didn't fit in with them. Or with anyone.

 

"I'm ok, Cas... Urm... Thanks."

 

Dean could've almost sworn Castiel's face fell in disappointment before he nodded and turned quickly away.

 

___

 

"What did I tell you!?" Yelled Charlie as Castiel made his way back over to the group, "Dean Winchester wouldn't know how to socialise if a book of instructions for dummies danced naked in front of him wearing a magical sombrero!"

 

Cas sighed in aggrieved ascent, before slumping down onto the already cramped bench and sulking. Charlie just rolled her eyes at him, starting a new conversation with the rest of the teens about whether the Harry potter movies out-did the books. Lisa on the other hand, obviously more empathetic than the fiery red-head, put a comforting arm around Castiel's shoulder, asking if he was ok.

 

"Yeah... I'm fine, I just... I just really want to help him, y'know." Cas sighed again, but now Lisa was looking confused.

 

"Cas... No offense, but you barely know the guy! Why do you wanna help him so bad?" Lisa questioned him, confused when Castiel cheeks turned pink.

 

"I- I don't know. He just seems really interesting and nice and... I don't know, it just seems like he's had it pretty rough" Cas blushed brighter, looking down. By now everyone else had finished their argument and were looking at Castiel with interest.

 

"Ooh... He's interesting is he?" Chuckled Lu.

 

"and... Nice?" Spoke Michael, wiggling his eyebrow across at a very embarrassed Castiel. 

 

"Hehe, how about dreeeaaaammmmyyy" laughed Alfie as he slid smoothly across the bench towards Cas. Charlie giggled delightedly at the poor boys burning face and began singing 'love is in the air' with great conviction. Cas sank down in his chair, wishing he could sink right into the ground. How on earth had they managed to jump to that conclusion?! Sure, Dean was good-looking and all, but, like Lisa had said, Castiel barely knew him at all. The laughing and singing continued for a few minutes but luckily Lisa soon came to his rescue, yelling at everyone to shut the hell up or bodies would start dropping. Castiel was thankful for that.

 

___

 

When Dean finally left the school premises, he let out a huge breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. He was just glad to be away from all the stares. For some reason, after lunch, all Cas' new friends had suddenly decided Dean Winchester was more interesting than any school lesson; staring and giggling everytime he passed them. It made him very uncomfortable, so it was no wonder he was glad as he walked through the gates of Sammy's elementary school, waving hello to all the little kids that, by now, knew him by name.He stood in the playground, happily watching a group of carefree children playing a game of tag nearby, waiting for Sam to get out.  
Dean had just been asked by a little boy named Jace to come and play aeroplane with him, when he heard a small voice yell his name happily through the crowd.

 

"DEAN! DEAN IT'S ME, I'M OVER HERE!"

 

Dean apologised to Jace and quickly looked up to see a small boy with a large smile and floppy brown hair sprinting towards him.

 

"Hey, Sammy!" Dean called happily as he bent down, scooping his little brother into his arms and swinging him around. Sam squealed excitedly and clung like a monkey onto Dean's head. The two hugged quickly before Dean placed him back down.

 

"How was school, champ?" He asked as he ruffled the boys hair. Sam shrugged.

 

"It was ok... There was a new boy who started in another class? He was called Gabriel I think." Sam shuffled his feet awkwardly, looking around Dean at someone "hey, Dean... Who's that with the new boy?"

 

Dean frowned and looked over his shoulder, his heart almost stopping when his noted who it was. This. Was. Not. Happening.

 

"Oh... Hello Dean!" Said Cas in a surprised tone as he dragged a small, blond-haired, golden-eyed boy behind him. "What are you doing here?"


	5. Chapter 5

Dean groaned inwardly, of all the people he could have possibly seen there, it had to be Castiel; his very own stalker.  
Cas was walking cheerfully up to him, the small boy behind him, Gabriel obviously, rolled his eyes in annoyance as he was practically dragged over to where Dean and Sam stood. This boy really wasn't going to leave Dean alone was he?  
Dammit! He was almost on top of them now and Dean could no longer pretend he hadn't seen him. He sighed in exasperation once more, before forcibly shaping his features into a polite smile.

"H-heyy, Cas." His voice, in contrast to his cheerful expression, was dry and lacked any enthusiasm "Fancy seeing you here."

Castiel, obviously not getting the hint, beamed brightly at Dean "I know right!" He said excitedly, " I knew you had a little brother, but I had no idea he would be in the same school as Gabe!" Dean nodded, a little non-plus see by the boys almost scary enthusiasm, but for some reason finding it hard not to crack a genuine smile. Castiel's insanely happy mood was seriously contagious.

"Yeah... It's quite a coincidence, I guess" Dean mumbled. There was a pause, before Dean spoke up again, not wanting to seem completely rude. "So, Cas... How are you settling in here?"

As the two boys awkwardly attempted small talk, Castiel's little brother, Gabe, stepped up to Sam. He winked at the other boy and cracked a wicked smile, bringing out of his pocket a handful of assorted lollipops.

"Wanna sucker, Sammy?" He asked as he shoved three or four into his mouth at once. Sam glanced up at Dean, as if looking for permission, but the older boy was still busy talking, a pained grimace on his face. Sam looked back at Gabriel once more, not quite sure how to respond to this very new situation. Gabe held out a lolly to him, but Sam quickly looked down at his feet, shaking his head. The other boy shrugged.

"You sure? You look like you could do with a bit of sweetness in your life, Samuel." Gabe chirped as he unwrapped yet another lollipop. Sam froze. Samuel. He flinched at a painful memory. Only his father called him Samuel... When he was angry.  
Gabe looked at him strangely, noting Sam's pale face and shaking hands.

"Are... Are you ok? Don't you like the name Samuel?" He questioned with a small smirk. Sam flinched again, more violently this time. He shook his head in a jerky, disjointed way, backing away from the blonde boy; trying to escape from his own horrific memories.  
Gabriel finally realised there was something wrong and he tugged at Castiel's shirt in panic, but was pushed away. Instead, he stepped toward Sammy and attempted to put a comforting arm around the floppy haired boys shoulder.  
It did not have the desired effect.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Sam screamed at the top of his voice, causing Gabe to jump away in surprise and fear "GET AWAY, DON'T TOUCH ME! DEAN, DON'T LET HIM TOUCH ME! DEAN HELP, YOU CAN'T LET HIM! YOU CAN'T!-" Sam began to choke and scream and cry out hysterically. Dean spun around in time to see his little brother fall to the ground, covering his ears and still screaming. Gabriel looking down at him; horrified.  
Parents began to swarm over, Cas pushing forward to help. Dean ignored them all; barging through and pushing people until he reached the crying boy, not caring when numerous glares and shouts were aimed his way.The only thing that mattered was Sammy. He bent down quickly and pulled his brother into a tight embrace, calmly stroking his hair and rocking him like a baby.

"Hey hey hey, shhhhhh. It's ok Sammy, it's ok. I'm hear, you're safe. Dad's not here, Sammy. It's just you and me. It's just you and me, it's ok. No one's gonna hurt you, buddy. Gabriel didn't mean to, he didn't know, it's ok. It's gonna be ok. Just breath, buddy. Breath." Dean whispered, lifting Sam from the ground and glaring at the parents until they moved away. Cas watched in awe as Sam began to quieten down, snuggling into Dean's arms as he sniffled faintly. Dean smiled slightly as he rubbed Sam's back; comforting him just like a parent would a small child.

"C'mon dude. You're ok, you're. Let's get you home, yeah?" Dean spoke quietly as he heaved Sammy higher in his arms and began to walk away without a backwards glance to the two stunned Novaks.  
Castiel and Gabe stood awkwardly in the middle of the playground, listening to Sam's quiet sniffs and Dean's voice saying, "Hey, it ok! Everything's gonna be great Sammy. How's about we go get some ice cream before we go home, yeah? Yeah, I though that would make you smile! And you can have aaaany flavour you want, how's about that, eh Sammy? Oh, you want pistachio huh, good choice... But only two scoops? Nah, you can do better than that...What about three huh, buddy? I think you're old enough for three scoops now, what do you think?"

Cas smiled in relief as he heard a faint burst of laughter from the little boy, just as Dean grinned and walked out of sight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas tries to call Dean, but it doesn't really go as planned.

It was ten o'clock in the evening and the dark rooms of the Winchester house were eerily silent. But for the steady whir of Dean's ancient laptop, it would have seemed deserted. John had long since left on one of his many 'jobs'. More likely, Dean thought with derision, he was now sitting slumped on a stool in an empty bar; glass of whisky clutched in hand. John would not be back until morning.   
Dean huffed angrily, glaring at his computer screen. It was on a chinese takeaway page trying to order a few spring rolls and fried rice for him and Sam's dinner; John would know if he ever tried to use the phone. He quickly chose the dishes they liked and entered in John's card details.  
Denied.

"shit."

He'd maxed the card. It was the only one he had managed to find the pin for. There would be no supper for him or Sam tonight.  
Rubbing his eyes sleepily, Dean slumped back from the rickety coffee table, trying to escape from the glowing screen that lit up his face and caused his eyes to ache. It distorted his features in the gloom of the sitting room, making his face look pale and wan.   
Looking around the dark, delapedated room, Dean sighed. The sofa he was sat on was faded, torn and had at least three springs almost tearing out of the fabric. The television was tiny, the plastic casing broken and, if he ever bothered to turn it on, would find only static. The wallpaper was ripped, the curtains damp and the naked bulb had shorted. It was a dump. If only... Dean closed his eyes, gathering himself together. He had lost count of how many times each day he wished his life was different. He knew it wasn't right, wasn't healthy. A smile forced it's way onto his face. It looked wrong, like it always did. The grin too wide, face too taught, his eyes still showing the pain he was really feeling. Only Sammy could make Dean smile these days. But he couldn't be there all the time. Right now he was alseep on the bed in the Dean's own room, ice cream still smudged over his face. Dean didn't have the heart to wake him up to wipe it off.   
The quiet continued for a minute more, but was quickly interrupted by the inscesant ring of a phone. Looking sharply to his right, Dean stared, incredulous, at the old phone that vibrated on the table. He didn't even recognise the ringtone; no one had ever called the house before. He hesitated, before reaching slowly for the phone, nervously pressing the green button and putting it to his ear.

"Hello?" Dean spoke shakily down the line. There was a pause just before an equally nervous voice answered.

"Um... Dean?"

Dean groaned. He would recognise that voice anywhere, even distorted by the old phone line.

"Cas, what the hell are you doing phoning me" He hissed. "Anyone could have answered, what you you want? Wait. How did you even get this number?!"

"Urm.." Castiel paused, obviously unsure of how to proceed. "Well, there aren't really that many Winchesters in the phone book, Dean. It wasn't difficult locating the correct number."

Dean cursed internally. Of course. Stupid. He nodded, forgetting the other boy couldn't see him. The phonecall had completely thrown him off.

"y-yeah 'course, should've guessed. So, what did you want?" This time his voice had a more politer undertone. He told himself it was because there was no point in being rude, especially to someome with only good intentions, but inside he knew it was only because there was a tiny part of him who didn't want to drive the curious boy away.

"Well I- What happened today I- It was- um..." Castiel's voice trailed off into an awkward silence and Dean could clearly imagine him sitting in his bedroom, fluffy slippers on his nervously shuffling feet. The picture softened his heart and he almost smiled.

"Cas, don't worry, it's all good. Sammy just gets like that sometimes it was no ones fault. I-" Now even Dean stuttered to a halt. He was about to make a huge mistake. "I'm sorry I rushed off with him so suddenly and didn't explain and... I'm sorry I've been such a douche these past few days; it's just-"

This time it was Cas who interrupted him, sounding much less nervous now.

"That's completely alright Dean, I understand. I, too, must apologies. I feel I may have made life more difficult for you than it already is. I just- I seem to be drawn to you."

Dean froze. There was no sound but slow breathing down the phone. When he spoke again, Dean's voice had turned cold.

"Well you hardly know me Novak, it's not much of a loss."

"It is Dean, I promise you. I just want to help." Castiel still spoke softly, but Dean no longer wanted to hear it. He clutched the phone tighter to his ear.

"Well you can't help, you can't do anything!" He hissed, venom piercing his voice. "You. have. no. idea. what I am going through. What I have already been through." Dean was now clutching the phone so tightly his knuckles turned white. He was almost yelling down the phone, a snide, sarcastic edge to his voice. "Yeah, Charlie and Lisa may have filled you all in on my tragic little sob story, but you will never understand, so don't insult me by saying you can help. All you want is the gross details of my shitty excuse for a life so you can go and gossip about it to your new friends."

Dean finished his rant, breathing heavily down the phone, waiting for Castiel's response. But there was just silence. Dean wanted Cas to get angry. He wanted Cas to retaliate, to shout at him, insult him. He wanted Cas to cry, to be hurt. Dean wanted Castiel to feel what he did, even only an ounce of the pain that Dean endured every day.   
But when Castiel's voice finally crackled through the old phone, it was level and calm.

"I'm not giving up." He spoke simply and then there was a click at the other end of the line. Cas had hung up.

Dean sat where he was, phone still clutched desperately to his ear. The anger had left as suddenly as it had come. Dean was left in the dark, with an empty stomach and a hollow heart.

\---

Dean woke suddenly, giving a yell as he was unceramoniously tipped from the sofa where he had undoubtedly dozed off. He landed painfully on the floor and blinked, trying to make out the room and the intruder through the gloom. It was still dark, so he can't have been asleep for long.

"The hell you doin' on the sofa!?" A harsh voice cut through the quiet. It was John's voice. It was he who must has shoved him to the floor. "C'mon, get up off the floor and answer me!"

Dean scrambled to his feet, staring at his feet.

"Sammy's in my bed, sir" He said, voice monotoned and robotic.

His dad snorted derisively and flicked on the light, causing Dean to blink in the unexpected bright.

"That boys gotten too soft for his own good; get him to his own bed and then you- why have you got a phone in your hand?"

Dean froze, trying to hide the phone from sight. It was too late. John reached forward and snatched it from his hand, immediately searching the call history.

"Dean." His voice had turned icy. Although he wasn't cold, Dean shivered.

He answered shakily, knowing what would come next. "Y-yes sir."

"Get to bed."

Dean rushed up the creaking staircase, relief washing through him, so intense he shook as he crashed into his room. He didn't get undressed or move Sammy at all, just collapsed next to the small boy and let the slow breathing calm him down. It was almost dawn before Dean managed to shut his eyes without seeing John's staring coldly back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed the new installment :) I'm so sorry about the long wait between chapters, I have all my notes written, but I have beeen away from home and unable to reach them. Luckily I found them again and hopefully I will start updating more regularly.


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